If you were ever a young, lonely, and fearful woman like me, who grew up with an emotionally absent mother, then you might have already experienced that the path to self-awareness is quite complex. You struggled with questions like: Who am I really? What are my boundaries? Am I allowed to want or be something? Am I allowed to make decisions? Am I allowed to feel love for myself?

Or as my therapist once said: "Leonie, you have zero point zero ego. It's time for you to allow yourself an ego." What she meant was that I felt, in my deepest core, less than worthless. Even though on the outside I was what you would call a "successful woman," who could hold her own and earn her own living, deep down I didn’t feel worthy of any of it. Not worthy of love. Not worthy of softness. Not worthy of abundance. I was pretty damn hard on myself.

In my inner journey, I began by healing my father’s packages first. Very logical too, as it coincided with my mourning process over his early death. I was busy with that for years.

When I look back now, I sometimes think: "Wow, I unconsciously carried a lot of his pain." When I thought I was finally done with my father's packages, the journey was just beginning…

I heard the deep call to return to my feminine essence, to that place within myself where I could come home, as a woman. It was time to face my relationship with my inner mother; or how I could become my own best mother. And that was not so simple.

The (emotional) absence of a mother figure can leave deep traces. Especially if you are a rather sensitive type (like me). And yes, my mother was, certainly after the sudden death of my father, emotionally absent, trapped in a "glass dome," and focused on surviving as a very young widow with three children. Her absence had a great impact on my inner experience of "mother," or the way we learn to love and nurture ourselves.

In my case, her emotional absence led to feelings of abandonment, extreme fear, and insecurity. I literally didn’t know what to do with my grief, with myself. Unconsciously, I began to seek more and more validation outside of myself, took on the role of the 'pleaser,' and did everything to ensure that others found me nice, smart, sweet, and good enough.

And all these surface-level patterns developed at a young age hindered my growth into adulthood. On a deeper level, there was the desire to return to pure self-love, free from judgment and conditionality. I discovered that we, daddy's girls, have the greatest task of becoming the best mother to ourselves!

But how do you start that? First and foremost, by being kind to yourself. By looking at yourself with the eyes of your heart, full of love and self-compassion. We are so incredibly strict with ourselves!

It is important to become aware – with gentleness and patience – of the patterns and dynamics that have shaped you. Like acknowledging and accepting the pain, the loss, and the grief.

Step by step, you free yourself from the burdens that limit you from experiencing your life in JOY and abundance.

Super important is to make a deep connection with others on this journey back, to dare to trust that (self)judgment and (self)rejection are stories that are now ready to disappear...

This requires courage, vulnerability, and perseverance, but it brings oh so much fulfillment and inner peace. 💖✨

In my retreats and programs, we lovingly dive deeper into all those layers and bodies within us that need attention. Welcome 21 – 28 September, on the magical Blue Zone island of 🏝️ Ikaria.

Contact us if you are feeling the call.